Not Until Us (Hope Springs Book 4) Page 12

  He should be up in the parking lot, making sure all the kids got picked up, but he trusted the rest of his leaders to take care of that. He couldn’t handle the thought of facing the parents right now. Calling to tell them what had happened and request that they pick their kids up early had been humiliating enough. No one had come out and said it, but he knew they were thinking it—if his dad had been in charge, this never would have happened.

  He kicked at the water, sending a spray into the air in front of him.

  “Good to know it’s not just me you splash.”

  He spun, a smile almost lifting his lips at the sound of her voice. “How’d you know I’d be down here?”

  She walked toward him, balancing on the thin border where the water barely kissed the sand. “I didn’t. Just felt like I needed a walk.”

  “Me too.”

  As she reached him, they fell into step, the same way they had dozens of times before.

  “So she’s really all right?” Jade grabbed his arm, and he stopped walking so he could look her in the eyes.

  “She’s great. They released her this morning. She―”

  But the hug she launched at him was so powerful, it knocked the air out of him.

  “Oh, thank goodness.” Her words were a half sob.

  Before he could decide whether to return the hug, she’d let go.

  “Sorry, I was just so worried―” Jade ran a hand over her wrinkled shirt and started walking again.

  “I’m sorry we couldn’t both go to the hospital with her. I would have had you go, but―”

  Jade waved him off. “You did what you needed to do.”

  They walked in silence for a few minutes.

  “You believe in God, right?” Jade finally asked.

  “Of course.” He debated with himself a second before asking, “Do you?”

  Jade’s feet slowed. “I thought I was starting to. But then this happened. I mean, what kind of God lets a little girl get sick like that?”

  Dan considered her question. A flippant answer wouldn’t do any good here. “This world isn’t a perfect place. It’s tainted by sin. Which is why bad things happen.” Before she could take his comment as meaning that it was her sin that had caused it, he continued. “Even things that are no one’s fault.”

  Jade looked thoughtful, as if she were considering his words. “But he could have made it not happen, right?”

  “He could have.” Dan leaned down to pick up a shell and passed it to her, delighting in the look of surprise in her eyes. “But he has a bigger plan at work than we can see. He tells us that in all things he works for the good of those who love him. He can bring good even out of this.” He didn’t add that he could see some of the good right here, in her, in the softening of her heart even as she asked the hard questions about God.

  Now that she’d asked her question, he supposed he could be brave enough to ask his. “How did the parents seem when they picked up the kids? Were they angry?”

  Jade gave him a curious look. “Why would they be angry?”

  Dan’s feet dragged through the sand. “Obviously, the trip didn’t go quite to plan. I’m guessing that’s the last time anyone will send their kids to camp with me.”

  Jade’s hand on his arm was so light, he probably wouldn’t have noticed it if he hadn’t seen it, but it pulled him to a stop.

  “Dan, you brought everyone home safely. You said yourself that Penelope is fine, and―”

  “That’s no thanks to me. I had no idea what to do. If you hadn’t been there―”

  “But I was there. And that was because of you.”

  His head snapped up. Had she meant that the way it sounded? The slight blush of pink in her cheeks said maybe she had.

  “Anyway.” She started down the beach again. “Why are you so concerned about what they think?”

  Dan gave a dry laugh. She had to be kidding, right?

  “There are a lot of people counting on me. You knew my dad. He was a giant of the church. Everyone loved him. It’s a lot to live up to.”

  Jade didn’t say anything for a while, and Dan let his gaze slide to her.

  “I guess I can understand that,” she said at last. “But maybe people don’t want you to be your dad. Maybe they want you to be you.”

  “Yeah, maybe. But half of them still remember me as the five-year-old who threw up in front of the whole church when we were singing on Easter Sunday.”

  “No.” Jade laughed but quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. “You didn’t.”

  “You don’t remember that?”

  Jade shook her head, still laughing, and he groaned. “I really wish I hadn’t brought it up then.”

  When Jade’s giggles had subsided, she turned to him, her expression earnest. “But you love it, don’t you? Being a pastor.”

  He ran a hand over his chin. “With all the stress of the past few months, I’d started to forget that, but, yeah, I do. Being at camp with the kids”—and with her, but he couldn’t exactly say that—“reminded me why I entered the ministry in the first place. It’s probably how you feel about acting.”

  But she looked away. “I gave up on acting a long time ago.”

  He stared at her, trying to process. “But Violet is always talking about your auditions and―”

  “I lied.”

  He tried to keep the question from coming out but failed. “Why?”

  She sighed and stared out at the lake. “Because I knew otherwise Vi would ask me to come home.”

  “And you didn’t want to?”

  Any hopes he’d been beginning to build collapsed like a sandcastle under the waves.

  Her laugh was laced with sarcasm. “I never belonged in Hope Springs, Dan. We both know that. I’ve burned too many bridges. No one wants me here.”

  “Violet wants you here.”

  I want you here.

  But he wasn’t entirely sure that was true. Having her here made things complicated. Messy. Uncertain.

  Jade watched him for a minute, as if waiting to see if he had the courage to say more.

  When he didn’t, she smiled softly and looked over her shoulder, toward the dunes.

  He saw the moment she recognized where they were.

  “This is it.” Her words were almost a whisper, and she took a few steps up the beach toward the dunes.

  But then she stopped. “That was a long time ago.”

  Dan stood at her side. “It was.”

  But somehow his hand had found hers, and now they were facing each other, holding hands. His eyes went to hers, then slid to her lips.

  This was nearly the exact spot he’d kissed her once before. The desire to do it again almost overwhelmed him. If he kissed her right now, would they get a second chance?

  Jade’s eyes closed a fraction, and Dan leaned toward her. His heart took up the pounding rhythm of the waves.

  But maybe instead of a second chance at love, all he’d get was a second helping of heartbreak. She’d said herself that she wasn’t made for Hope Springs.

  He cleared his throat and stepped back, letting her hand fall. “We should probably get going.”

  “Yeah.” Her eyes opened slowly, and she gave the dunes a wistful glance as they walked away. He almost thought she’d stop and say they should stay.

  But she didn’t.

  And neither did he.

  Chapter 22

  Jade stretched a kink in her back, then bent to slide her roller through the paint tray again.

  She had to hand it to Nate and Vi’s friends. They’d joined her here every moment they could spare in the week since camp. She and Sophie had pulled down the last of the hideous wallpaper last night. And this morning she’d started painting the living room the subtle blue she’d picked out.

  She surveyed the enormous room. This was going to be a big job. She hadn’t even completed one wall yet. Dan had said he might come by to help, but with any luck at least one or two others would be here before then. She and Dan hadn’t be
en alone since that afternoon last week when she’d mistaken his kindness for a desire to kiss her. Now there was this weird tension between them. They should probably talk about it, but she much preferred pretending it had never happened.

  “Good morning.”

  The voice behind her made Jade jerk upright and spin around. Too late, she remembered the fully loaded roller in her hand. She watched, mouth slack, as flecks of blue paint scattered through the air, landing everywhere—including the hardwood floor and Dan’s t-shirt.

  Dan stood there for a minute, staring down at his shirt as if he wasn’t sure what had just happened.

  “I’m so sorry.” But she couldn’t hold back the giggle that sneaked out. The look on his face was too comical.

  “It’s fine.” Dan took a step closer and picked up another roller, loading it with paint. “Now I look like I’ve been working for hours.”

  Did this guy never get upset about anything? She lifted her roller to the wall, picking up where she’d left off, but something wet and sticky sloshed onto her forearm. Jade gasped and spun on Dan, who was grinning maniacally.

  She held up her now-blue elbow. “You did not just do that.”

  But Dan concentrated on the up and down motion of his roller on the wall. “Now we’re even.”

  Jade could be mature about this and start painting again. Or—

  She lunged forward and painted a stripe down his back.

  Before she could retreat, Dan had grabbed both her wrists and snatched the roller out of her hand.

  “No,” Jade shrieked around a laugh. “I’m sorry. Truce. I give up.”

  But Dan held her hands above her head. “I’ve seen how you keep truces.” He painted a line down each of her sides.

  “Hey, that was two for one.” Jade made a futile effort to free herself, but she was laughing too hard to put any strength behind it.

  “You’re right. That probably wasn’t fair.” Dan loosened his grip on her wrists, and she lunged for the roller. But in one deft movement, Dan had wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close enough to slap paint onto her back.

  “Hey.” Jade gave a halfhearted wriggle but leaned her head into his chest to catch her breath. She hadn’t laughed this much since— She had no idea when she’d last laughed like this.

  But as her laughter slowed, she became alarmingly aware of Dan’s arms still around her, of his heart beating under her ear.

  As if realizing it at the same moment, Dan loosened his grip and gave her a gentle nudge away from him.

  But he didn’t take his eyes off her. “Now that we both look like robin’s eggs, I guess―”

  “Oh my goodness! What happened?”

  Both of them spun toward the door, where Grace was standing with her mouth open, staring from one of them to the other. Out of the corner of her eye, Jade saw Dan open the space between them. She told herself she didn’t care.

  “It was my fault.” Of course Dan was going to take the blame. He always did the right thing, no matter what it cost him.

  “Actually―” Two could play this game. “I started it.”

  “Oh.” Grace’s mouth was as round as her eyes, but after a second she seemed to decide it was best to ignore whatever had just been happening between Jade and Dan. A pinch of conscience stirred in Jade’s tummy, but she reminded herself she hadn’t done anything wrong.

  “Well.” Grace stepped into the room, holding up a bag. “Leah sent lunch.”

  The smell of fried chicken drifted through the room. For some reason, it set Jade’s stomach churning. Or maybe that was still the effect of being too close to Dan.

  “Is it lunchtime already?” She checked the time. “I’m supposed to meet Vi for a dress fitting in ten minutes. And thanks to someone, I have to find a way to sneak home and change first so Vi doesn’t ask what I’ve been up to.”

  “She really has no idea?” Dan wiped the paint flecks off the floor as he talked.

  Jade felt her face pull into a frown. “I feel bad, though. I think she’s starting to worry that I’m avoiding her.”

  She’d seen the flash of disappointment in Vi’s eyes every time she’d declined to help in the store this week.

  “Tell her you’re meeting a mystery man,” Grace said with a wink and a laugh.

  Reflexively, Jade’s eyes went to Dan, who seemed to be scrubbing at the paint spots on the floor with more vigor than necessary.

  She forced a laugh. “I’m not sure she’d believe that.”

  Chapter 23

  The ball swished through the hoop, and Jared lifted his hands in triumph. “That’s three in a row, man. What’s up with you today?”

  Dan grabbed the rebound. “Nothing’s up with me.”

  Jared checked the ball but didn’t move in for the block as Dan made his way down the half-court that had been painted off to the side of the church parking lot for youth group events. For the past year or so, he and Jared had been playing a quick game of one-on-one every Friday morning.

  “You know, for a guy who’s always encouraging others to talk about their problems, you aren’t so quick to share your own.”

  Dan shrugged. He was here to play basketball, not talk about his problems.

  Not that he had any.

  “You remember what you told me when I needed someone to talk to about Peyton?”

  Dan drove to the basket for a layup. The ball went in easily, only because Jared didn’t take so much as half a step to block him.

  “Are we playing basketball or talking?” Dan tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

  But Jared was standing with the ball clasped in his hands. “Talking.”

  Dan stared at his friend a second, then jogged to the sideline to grab his water bottle.

  “You said―” Jared walked over, setting the ball in the grass and grabbing his own water. After a long swig, he continued. “You said you were human.”

  Dan looked up. Of course he was human. “I don’t think I’ve ever said I wasn’t.”

  “No.” Jared scooped the ball up and tossed it from hand to hand. “But you act like you’re superhuman. You don’t share your problems because you don’t want people to know you have any.”

  “I don’t have any.” But he’d known Jared long enough to realize his friend wouldn’t let him get away with that.

  He dragged a hand through his hair. “Fine. It’s Jade. And Grace.”

  Jared nodded but didn’t say anything, just kept tossing the ball from hand to hand. He was using Dan’s own technique of waiting silently to draw him out. Dan would think it was nicely played, if it weren’t so frustrating.

  Jared was right. Dan didn’t want anyone to think he had problems. After all, he was the pastor. He was supposed to solve everyone else’s problems, not come to them with his own.

  But Jared was a good friend. And Dan did need some advice.

  He reached to steal the ball from Jared and started dribbling. “Not many people know that Jade and I went on a few—I don’t know if you’d call them dates—but we spent some time together at the end of high school, right before she left Hope Springs. We were actually getting pretty serious. At least that’s what I thought. But then―” Dan gave an extra-strong dribble that made the ball bounce up to his head. “Then she left. And it seemed pretty clear the path God had laid out for me. And then Grace moved here, and everyone kept telling me how perfect she is for me. But now Jade is back and―” He caught the ball and shrugged helplessly. Why was this all so confusing?

  “And you still like her.”

  Dan nodded. “Quite a lot, actually. But Grace is the smarter choice.”

  Jared snorted. “Spoken like a true romantic. I believe the exact words you asked me were, ‘Do you love her?’ So I’ll ask you that too.”

  Dan shook his head. He liked Grace well enough as a friend, and he certainly appreciated all her work at church. But what he felt for her was nowhere near love. As he’d eaten lunch with her at Nate and Violet’s house
yesterday after Jade had left, he couldn’t help mentally comparing the two women. In his mind, Grace came out ahead every time. It was as if God had created her to be a perfect pastor’s wife. She was warm, open, hospitable, a natural when it came to serving at church—and she even played the piano and sang in the choir. In short, she was everything Jade wasn’t. But no matter how much he told himself all of that, he couldn’t get his heart on board.

  “Maybe I could grow to love Grace. If I try hard enough, you know? I mean, her dad was a pastor, she grew up in the church, she’s right at home jumping into ministry. She’s the perfect match for a pastor.” So what if he didn’t see fireworks when her arm brushed up against his? There was more to a relationship than that. She was the sensible choice. The choice everyone would approve of.

  “And Jade? Do you love her?”

  Dan wanted to say it was way too early to call what he felt for Jade love. And yet he knew it wasn’t too early. He’d never fallen out of love with her in the first place. He never would.

  But love wasn’t everything. He had his responsibilities to think about. And his first responsibility was the welfare of his church.

  “I’m trying to keep everything going here, trying to show everyone that I can handle things on my own, trying to live up to what my dad started.”

  “Okay―” Jared attempted to steal the ball, but Dan pivoted too quickly for him. “Nice. But what would dating Jade have to do with any of that?”

  A hollow opened in Dan’s stomach. He didn’t like to think it, let alone say it out loud. But he had to get it out there. “I care about Jade. A lot. But you know what her reputation was in high school. And I’ve heard whispers even now. I try not to pay attention to them. But I don’t think the congregation would ever accept me dating her.”

  This time Jared was successful in stealing the ball. He placed it deliberately on the ground and braced his foot on it. Then he gave Dan a piercing stare. “I hate to throw your own words back at you, but a few weeks ago, you preached a sermon about the kind of people Jesus hung out with. They weren’t the people with the best reputations.”